Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.

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(941): View more from Florida

Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche

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(517): View more from Michigan

can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised

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(703): View more from Virginia

bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day

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(818): View more from California

Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.

(818): View more from California

And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.

(540): View more from Virginia

I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.

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(254): View more from Texas

What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?

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(206): View more from Washington

Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!

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(518): View more from New York

He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.

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