i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
is wine microwaveable?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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