She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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