I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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