Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Oh god it's open bar.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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