I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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