You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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