I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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