I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
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Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
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Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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