i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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