Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
is it fun? or sober?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
