i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
