thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
