I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
