You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
