and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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