Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
