I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize