i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Alive.
So much puke
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
