At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
