fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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