so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
