just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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