so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
