I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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