she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
