end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
