I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
