so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
