i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
