bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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