I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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