But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
