i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
