Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
