she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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