Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
