Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
