i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
