You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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