you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
