It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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