i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
