I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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