I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
