I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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