I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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