Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize