He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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