Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
