so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
