I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
