don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
