It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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