her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
