the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
