It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
