party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
