ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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